As of three days ago, a non-refundable plane ticket is ensuring my return to Japan. While I’m obviously excited about the excursion, I can’t help but be a little freaked out. Seven weeks in a foreign country is one thing, but six months is a completely different beast.
I’ve thought a lot about what exactly I’m afraid of, and while most of my fears revolve around the typical fear of failure or being disliked, there seems to be something a bit deeper.
We build ourselves around the people we love and care for. Our friends define us, from how we act to what clothes we wear. While I’m sure many scoff at this denial of complete individuality, I’m completely willing to admit that my friends and family play a large part in who I am. So what happens when these friends are gone? What happens when we are left with no-one but ourselves, new to a country, and unable to speak the language well. It’s not really the loneliness that I’m worried about; it’s my identity. Who am I without the normal people and things that make up my life? Am I really as interesting and outgoing as I think I am, or am I just playing a part? Who will I be when I return in September? The longest I’ve ever been away from home was seven weeks, during my first trip to Japan. Even though I was in foreign country, I still lived with a very close friend, but that won’t be happening this time around.
So why am I doing this? In many ways, my fears are the reason. While I’m scared to be away for so long, I can’t wait to experience Japan on such an in-depth level; I can’t wait to experience myself on such an in-depth level.
Now all seriousness aside; I’m only going back because there are stores like this.
