As of three days ago, a non-refundable plane ticket is ensuring my return to Japan. While I’m obviously excited about the excursion, I can’t help but be a little freaked out. Seven weeks in a foreign country is one thing, but six months is a completely different beast.
I’ve thought a lot about what exactly I’m afraid of, and while most of my fears revolve around the typical fear of failure or being disliked, there seems to be something a bit deeper.
We build ourselves around the people we love and care for. Our friends define us, from how we act to what clothes we wear. While I’m sure many scoff at this denial of complete individuality, I’m completely willing to admit that my friends and family play a large part in who I am. So what happens when these friends are gone? What happens when we are left with no-one but ourselves, new to a country, and unable to speak the language well. It’s not really the loneliness that I’m worried about; it’s my identity. Who am I without the normal people and things that make up my life? Am I really as interesting and outgoing as I think I am, or am I just playing a part? Who will I be when I return in September? The longest I’ve ever been away from home was seven weeks, during my first trip to Japan. Even though I was in foreign country, I still lived with a very close friend, but that won’t be happening this time around.
So why am I doing this? In many ways, my fears are the reason. While I’m scared to be away for so long, I can’t wait to experience Japan on such an in-depth level; I can’t wait to experience myself on such an in-depth level.
Now all seriousness aside; I’m only going back because there are stores like this.
I came to Japan with hopes of finding my ever elusive place in this world, and I thought that coming here would give me some perspective into what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be. The experiences here have been amazing, and the previous six weeks have easily been the best six weeks of my life. I’ve met so many amazing people and have had so many amazing experiences. I’ve walked ten miles or so with my best friend, after missing the last train. I’ve danced all night long with skaters that I barely knew, and I’ve made friends from Japan, Mexico, England, Norway, the Netherlands, Taiwan, the Philippines, America, and Canada (I guess you could say Austria as well).
After all of these experiences there is one thing that I am even more sure of now than ever; I have no idea where I belong, what I want to do, or who I am. As much as I love Japan, I really do miss America and feel that it has more to offer me than this place does. The language barrier is such an extremely tall mountain to climb, and for a person who thrives on conversation and deep discussion, it’s rather painful. Also, from what I’ve seen, people work all day, drink all night, and repeat the same process the next day. Most are content with working 12 hour days six days a week. Perhaps it comes down to me being lazy, but the idea of being trapped in a suit and drudging off to the same office everyday seems quite frightening. Of course, I am being unfair to Japan and dishonest to you. I should mention the fact that the idea of any full time job scares the hell out of me, which is why the idea of living in the Japanese work culture is inconceivable to me.
I’m not sure what it is about work that scares me, and I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit. I’m under the presumption that I’m not a terribly lazy person, at least no more lazy than anyone else. I suppose the fact that I have the attention span that would rival that of a gold fish is the most likely reason. My interests change so frequently that it seems illogical to consider focusing solely on one field or job. I’ve heard from so many people that work isn’t meant to be fun or enjoyable, that it merely “sucks,” but I can’t let myself believe that this is the acceptable norm. Seeing as we spend one third of our adult life sleeping and one third of our life working, we are only left with eight ours of our day to pursue our own endeavors. Take into account the two hours that most spend in transit, hour that most spend preparing for their day or night and all of the other odds and ends, we are left with almost no time to do what we want. If the one third of our life dedicated to work is miserable, then why bother living it?
This realization was the easy part for me, but figuring out what to do about it continues to be the terribly difficult part. Most could say “I want to paint” or “I want to cook,” but those people have focus. Focus is something that I’ve been lacking since my first year of college, and I don’t see it returning anytime soon. I can’t conceive myself working in any kind of office, without sunshine, interesting people, or movement. I’d rather work in a bakery, or store, somewhere that requires movement and interaction. I’d love to go back to school for something interesting, and I guess that this is possible, but it will require a lot more part time work and a gigantic amount of debt that I am now without. It will also require that I am interested in something for more than five minutes, and this may actually be the deal breaker (even more so than the money issue).
Perhaps I’ve gotten the whole thing wrong. Perhaps it’s not something that I need but someone; I’ve also considered this to some extent. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe that all of life’s problems can be solved with a relationship (rather obvious if you think about it). I merely think that relationships put things into perspective. Fortunately for me time is still on my side, even though my mind is not. It’s not as if I can pawn all of my worries about happiness and fulfillment off on a higher power, seeing as I don’t believe in one. It’s something that I’ve been having to deal with myself. One point of comfort is in knowing that so many people who I’ve met here feel the same way; some in fact merely wandered to Japan in hopes of adventure, without any real thought or plan behind it. I wish I could live life with this carefree mindset, but I tend to enjoy knowing where my next meal will come from and where I am going to sleep at night.
The whole time I’m having this inner debate, I find myself thinking “You’re 21, why are you thinking about these things? Why aren’t you out running around chasing girls or having fun? You’re too young to care about these things.” Either way, things usually end with me falling asleep and having paranoid dreams. At least I’ve found that reality is always far better than the twisted creations of the mind.
Til Kingdom Come
Still my heart and hold my tongue
I feel my time
My time has come
Let me in
Unlock the door
I never felt this way before
And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know which way I’ve come
Hold my head inside your hands
I need someone who understands
I need someone, someone who hears
For you I’ve waited all these years
For you I’d wait ’til kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done
And say you’ll come and set me free
Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me
In your tears and in your blood
In your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing
I wouldn’t change a single thing
And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummers begin to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know what I’ve become
For you I’d wait ’til kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done
And say you’ll come and set me free
Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me
Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me
Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me
Perhaps the most profound thing that I’ve learned so far is that people everywhere are basically the same. It seems that every place contains at least a few amazing people, and I always seem to stumble upon them.
There are several common traits that people everywhere share: we love, fear, hope, dream, hate, laugh, cry, and we all wonder where this tangled web of choice and consequence will lead us. Although some paths may cross for merely a short time, and some paths may never cross, the mere sway of the branches is enough to change everything.
It’s also becoming clear to me that a life worth living is a life spent reaching out to others, whether it be thousands, or a single person. As I’ve found out through less than forgiving experience, when the last train settles into the station for the night, all that we are left with is each other. No matter how much we try to ignore it, the waxing and waning of our happiness is largely dependent on others. We live and die at the hands of friends and enemies, no matter which part of the world we inhabit.
With this in mind, is it not worthwhile to leave home with reckless abandon in order to bring a smile to someone’s face half a world away? Is it not worth the risk of leaving home in order to experience the adventure of the return journey? Does it really matter where we end up?
It seems to me that the point of the journey is to gain the companionship of the fellow traveler, and despite our worries and fears, home is never farther than a twelve hour plane ride.
I’ve given you my first impression of Japan, but now that I’ve been here for almost two weeks, I feel as if there are some more subtleties that are worth pointing out. Some things are exaggerated for entertainment purposes…
The Japanese are known for bowing. It’s a sign of respect and appreciation. Sometimes this leads to a most unfortunate event known by the world (or at least to me) as a bow off. This can occur when someone bows for a second time, in an attempt to keep from being shown up by a more impressive bow. What results is an epic battle for rights of having the last bow. Although no one has officially died from a “bow off” it has been known to occasionally result in the inabilty to stop bowing, as seen in this video.
The drunks in Japan are absolutely fantastic! I’ve seen men fall asleep while on the escalator and remain standing the entire time, while wobbling violently. Drunks in Japan are also much less of a “problem” compared to drunks in the states. They don’t bother others, most merely hang on for dear life to the subway hand rings, and stagger off at their appropriate stops. Drinking is a very popular hobby of many Japanese businessmen, and it serves as a way to unwind after a strenuous work day.
There are no paper towels in any subway restrooms. On top of this, there are no cruddy old towels or air dryers either. You must simply use your shirt, or the shirt of an unsuspecting businessman. Since we’re on the subject of restrooms, Japanese toilets are the most complicated contraptions that I’ve ever come into contact with. Most Japanese toilets require an electrical outlet, which seems quite dangerous. Some Japanese toilets have heated seats, while others talk, and I’m sure that there is a toilet out there somewhere that makes a mean cup of coffee. What makes this toilet extravagance even more of an oddity is that most public toilets are indeed quite crappy (pun intended?). Most public toilets are merely holes in the ground, with a small piece of porcelain surrounding them. It seems that the Japanese could settle for having all decent toilets, instead of a spread between holes and flushing espresso machines.
It’s not uncommon to see 50-60 year old men playing Nintendo DS on the subways. It’s also quite a common sight to see a cane in one hand and a cell phone in the other. Everyone here loves their technology, and age doesn’t seem to be a prohibiting factor when it comes to carrying around a Hello Kitty cell phone. Manga is the book of choice (basically a thicker comic book). The common Japanese subway goer seems rather quiet and introverted, but video games and comics often show that there is playfulness beneath the surface.
It’s a tad embarrassing to say this, but during our first day or so in Japan we completely relied on snack foods for nourishment, seeing as we had no idea where to find a market. This has led me to discover some of the most amazing treats that would put any American packaged snack to shame. Not only do the Japanese win in the taste category, but they also stomp the competition in presentation. For some reason, the Japanese seem to love excess packaging which is apparent when opening a can of Pringle-like chips here (Chip Star). Aside from the can, the chips are also wrapped in a plastic wrapper. Here are some of the delectables that i’ve discovered along my short journey. The Japanese word for snack is okashi (お菓子).
Crunky
Crunky is simply fantastic. Not only is it a beefed up version of the American Crunch bar (more crunch for your ￥), it’s name is also hilarious. Try putting a little more Crunk in your day.
The Peach Pouch
This isn’t the actual name for this tasty temptation, but it’s how it has become affectionately known by our group. The peach pouch seems to be a mixture or peach juice and peach flavored gelatin, a texture that might make some gag, but a snack that has become one of my favorites, and it’s only 49 kcal!
Pocky
Pocky is a crunchy stick covered in some type of coating (all delicious). These Pocky are apple yogurt, but the strawberry and chocolate Pocky are good as well. They actually have “Pocky for Men” which is more of a bitter chocolate (apparently the women can’t handle it).
Pure Gummies
Pure Gummies come in many flavors, and I assume that they are made with real fruit juice, since they taste exactly like their target fruit. The lime are the best in my opinion, but the others are good too.
Creepy Panda Cookies
さくさくぱんだ or Sakusaku Panda are delicious, but creepy, panda cookies and are definitely the most entertaining food that I’ve had so far. There are actually rare faces that you can find in the boxes (the angry looking one in the picture).
To say that the first few days in Japan were easy would be a lie, but I was expecting no different. What has made the last few days bearable has been the amazing people here. I say this now having gained my bearings and having gained a bit of insight into some of the cultural etiquette. Here are a few of the things that I’ve learned over the passed few days. Fortunately, I haven’t had any embarrassing moments; however, I have had some humorous ones.
Outside shoes are never to be worn past the entryway of the house.
Shoes can remain in the entryway; however, our house has wooden shoe boxes for each of the rooms.
Inside sandals must be taken off when entering the bathroom or kitchen.
There are communal slippers that are in each of these rooms. This is unfortunate for me, seeing as the “community” has very small feet.
When purchasing something, money should be placed in a tray if available, and is handed back in the same way.
Most Japanese store workers are aware of western customs, and will hand back cash to westerners, but it is polite to use the tray if available.
Vending machines are everywhere!
There are literally at least two vending machines on every corner, and there are several beer vending machines. They contain every kind of drink or cigarette imaginable. It is also important to note that just because something looks like water does not mean that it is water!
Notice, Tommy Lee Jones is a huge advert star in Japan.
The Japanese nearly worship forgotten American celebrities.
As seen on the vending machine, Tommy Lee Jones is huge in Japan! He’s the face of a popular brand of coffee drinks.
There are no public trash cans.
All trash in Japan is sorted into bottles, cans, containers, and general trash (possibly more categories?), and it is the responsibility of everyone to sort their own trash. Fortunately, there are can and bottle bins besides most vending machines, or else I would be carrying around a backpack full of empty bottles during my day. Also, most convenient stores that sell boxed lunches have sorting bins outside of the store.
Freshly prepared meals from convenient stores are cheaper, healthier, and more delicious than any convenient store meal in America!
These meals can be anything from salad to tempura(てんぷら）which can be fried vegetables or meats. Most dishes besides salads of course come with rice, which is soft, sticky and delicious.
Japanese things that are expensive in America are dirt cheap in Japan.
Sushi here is around $3 for an entire tray, and manga (Japanese comics popular in America) range from $3-$7, rather than $10 or above.
American fast food is only slightly more expensive but ten times tastier in Japan
The cheese on my Wendy’s double was actually melted, and there were two pieces. The only downside is that Japanese portions are smaller!
Wendy's in Japan!
The Japanese love English, but don’t always use it correctly.
This often leads to hilarity.
“Doing and another, there is a first time for everything” ~ girl’s t-shirt
“My desire love sweets” ~ girl’s t-shirt
Sometimes words are not enough…
Toilet use instructions.
One should stand on the left side of the escalator, to allow room for those that wish to walk.
Fruit can be very expensive.
About $6.50 for four apples; however, they are large and delicious.
A warning for the vertically gifted.
This image has not been tampered with; this is the door to my room.
The kindness and hospitality of the Japanese makes up for everything that one might find difficult to understand when first entering the country.
So here I sit, frantically getting together the remaining tidbits of my life necessary to survive in Japan. Naturally, these necessities are things such as my Nintendo DS and movie files (how else can I survive a 12 hour flight). Before I set off, I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has encouraged me to pursue this and made this trip possible. A few short months ago I was doubting whether or not I would be able to go to Japan at all, and now I find myself preparing for a seven week journey starting tomorrow and a six month journey kicking of in the spring. I’m going to do my best to capture everything and experience every ounce of possibility that I can squeeze out of this. Seeing as I’m too tired to describe how I feel with any beautifully constructed words, I’ll use someone else’s:
I did my best to notice
when the call came down the line
up to the platform of surrender
I was brought but I was kind
and sometimes I get nervous
when I see an open door
close your eyes, clear your heart
cut the cord
are we human or are we dancer
my sign is vital, my hands are cold
and I’m on my knees looking for the answer
are we human or are we dancer
pay my respects to grace and virtue
send my condolences to good
give my regards to soul and romance
they always did the best they could
and so long to devotion, you taught me everything I know
wave good bye, wish me well
you gotta let me go
are we human or are we dancer
my sign is vital, my hands are cold
and I’m on my knees looking for the answer
are we human or are we dancer
will your system be alright
when you dream of home tonight
there is no message were receiving
let me know is your heart still beating
are we human or are we dancer
my sign is vital, my hands are cold
and I’m on my knees looking for the answer
you’ve gotta let me know
are we human or are we dancer
my sign is vital, my hands are cold
and I’m on my knees looking for the answer
are we human
or are we dancer
are we human or are we dancer
are we human or are we dancer
I’ll see you on the moon 